Vの流儀 2011年6月8日 Alice Nine

谢谢妹妹提供~

To be living is really tired...
I wonder what is the purpose of us living sometimes....
Is it to enjoy? Doesn't everyone travel to the death point someday?
Nothing is forever...in this sense.

I can easily revert back to my old self, when I'm going to the web for nobody except myself.
Nothing much to look forward to except for temporary surprises.
I can just erase everything in a flash....my sister and everyone...and continue living alone till things comes to an end.
Should I?

I'm tired...

Alice Nine Members : BLUE FLAME

Vo. 将

Gt. ヒロト

Gt. 虎

Ba. 沙我

Dr. ナオ

Truth

To say the truth...

I don't mind myself having little friends or even none

I don't mind eating on my own at school or anywhere else

I don't mind eating cheap foods

I don't mind going out by myself

I don't mind that my marriage (if ever, there is), will be simple and maybe even no people attending except the one I love

The only thing that I mind is...
Whether the one whom I loved, can accept that everything of me...

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松下優也 - 乐园

会到吗。。。

现在。。有好多事情围绕着我。
所以，我每次都很珍惜所有快乐的时光。。。因为谁知道几时。。。我会失去一切。
就算要害怕也还是只能靠自己。。。
对我好的人我都不会忘记的。。。
我真不知道未来如何。。。
想必也会听腻我埋怨。。
路会有对错吧。。。我有走错吗？
不懂要说什么了。。。

P.S. : 妹妹也有伤心的事吧？　有些妹妹的文章我看不到。。。我好讨厌自己现在。。。想陪妹妹。。。都做不到。妹妹会没事的。。。一定会没事的~ ◠‿◠

Today I went to school with my parents...
As usual, my mother always don't know how to say things correctly, keep rattle on about useless things...
I know shes my mother, I'm really in debt with her...but, she don't understand that I don't like my private life to be...said out.
Why did you tell those teachers about what I want to go Japan or I like Japan?
I also never said I want to go Japan now but you keep putting words into my mouth.
You know I really hate how you get people to be misunderstood about my real intention?
Do you know that when people hear how you said of me, they will see me as someone immatured? Which is really not the case?!

You keep saying that my thinking is immatured but I must really tell you, I see things so much deeper than you...would you believe me? No.
Why don't you just tell the teacher that, Money is the only concern?
Because you know its wrong and you cleverly use other reasons to cover up your reasons for me not to switch school.
I've asked you before, if I used my own money to pay school fees, and now I would like to change school, would you feel angry like now?
You gave me a direct answer : ''No''.

Just because I never say anything doesn't mean I don't feel anything.
I still considered about private stuffs that I think is uncomfortable for outsider to know.
I still considered your ''face'' and never said to teacher about you wanting me to provide for myself in terms of everything, even wanting to chase me out and find somewhere to live.
When I explain to you your intention you will just rebuke and say, ''I dont care!'' , ''You really still don't know how to think'' .

Ok, its fine, I will continue to make my own choice.
Now, I will still say clearly, ''I NEVER REGRETTED MY ACTIONS''.
Whatever the outcome will be, I won't blame anyone, even though you say that based on my personalities, I will...
But then when I ask you When?
You can't give me an answer.
Thats because I never blame anyone of how things are for me now.

I will still strive to the future that awaits me, without boundaries...
Anryl, I hope you will be able to come through this barrier also.
I know we will if we continue to move forward~

This space for now, has become my life diary instead of Japanese stuffs, sorry for those Japanese fans here, but I will continue to update cool stuffs as usual  ^ m ^

To A New World. . . ~

P.S. : Everyone, I'm not able to blog as usual as I want from now on....because...my laptop is confiscated and I'm not really allowed to use computer after withdrawing from school...But please come often, I will still blog here! I will always find the opportunity to use, don't give up on me, everyone!~

You still don't understand a fucking thing, I really sometimes hope that I am adopted instead, fuck off from my life.

无迹の伤痛

今天我又去看了辅导老师，在我走去那个辅导室的路上，我的心想着 。。。‘去了我的情况会改善吗？最终还是要靠我自己。。。好像在浪费时间。。。’
当我跟那位辅导师会谈时。。。我能感受到他在让我了解自己。。。了解为何我现在会过得这么怎么难受。。。

他也让我了解自己现在的处境。。。

当我很难过时，我都会找一个没人的角落痛苦。。。就连。。现在在诉说时。。。我也在。。。流着泪。。。
我不想让任何人看见我难过的一面。。。我每次难过时。。。就会用笑来掩盖或者就找理由，离去没人的地方。。。
很难过时。。。就在厕所里默默地哭泣。。。到自己没再有哭的感觉为止。。。

跟那位辅导师说完后，他让我确定自己想转校的念头，然后他也希望我能跟父母亲好好的说。。。告诉他们我心里的想法。。。希望我前途顺利。人真的很好。

当我会到家时，告诉父母时，我妈妈的反应就是很生气的骂我。。
她骂我浪费钱。。。不会想。。。
当我说自己这样做没错时，她便骂我‘混蛋’。。
我便生气了，说她眼里只有钱钱钱，而她又说。。。当然，钱最重要。

我家人到现在都不知道我的情况。。。不知道我以前所受的伤。。。不知道安慰和鼓励是我需要的。。。
一无所知。。。
我每次都会把伤心的感受写在这里。。。因为没我认识的人会知道。
但可能现在，有妹妹会看。。。但。。。任何的鼓励，我也只能对你说谢谢。。。就算那些鼓励也让没帮助。

我是个男生。。。有着这种行为，我觉得自己很逊。
跟以前开心阳光的我。。。截然不同。。。可能这是我在路途中适应的一种行为。。
在我身边认识我的人，我决不让他们看到我这一面。
现在也开始觉得。。。不想看到妹妹来了。。。
我因该是怕认识我的人看到我这一面，对我的眼光。。。我不知道怎么面对他们。。。
在他们面前开玩笑时，一定好怪。
虽然妹妹不会因此讨厌我我躲开我，但妹妹就会认为我没那么强。。。心灵很软弱。。。
我不要。。。我讨厌。

现在。。。脑里一片空白了。。。

看着妹妹的照片，我越来越觉的妹妹跟她PICO里的人很像~
好可爱。。。
我学校要考试了，惨了，都没常准时上学。。。
但虽然迟到，我还是会去课室里，好过完全没去对吧？

算了，这些都不重要，妹妹最重要~ ^ O ^　（不重要就好! T 3 T)

最近都很晚睡。。。哎。
昨晚，我梦见妹妹耶，梦本来满清楚的，但现在想时就有点模糊 ~_~
但我好像梦见妹妹在日本的某个地方。。。呵呵。
好想快点想起来呀！！

我现在在学校的处境。。。还真是。。。。危险。。。T m T

我的赖床变得越来越严重了。。。
眼看，学业就快完蛋了吧。

[PV]ROGUE-Qualia

呵呵，对于以下的顾虑，可以拿掉了。

妹妹，我会等你回来的 ♡

Woooosh!~

好久没跟妹妹联络了，不知道是不是把我给甩掉了 。。= X
我以为你星期一回来，还是我搞错了？

该不会是因为。。。看见我听右肩蝴蝶的歌吧！？
然后觉得我是个变态就闪人？
是也没办法。。。最少我知道自己没伤害到人。

应该不会吧？

妹妹都说过了，还是别胡思乱想了（敲头）

但希望妹妹也别出事~

~晚安，妹 ☆

the GazettE - VORTEX [HD 1080p]

See it while it is available~!

Unknowingly, I've bought a shirt that actually resembles Shou's Tokyo Galaxy costume!? * U *

YUI - HELLO ~Paradise Kiss~

美呀~